.:. despair .:.

Despair. It this what despair really means? Since my grandma's condition is getting worse, I finally realized what this word really mean. Yes..bad news. My grandma condition is worse, much worse that i can imagine. She hardly open her eyes, she talks randomly, and *sigh.. she even didn't recognized me, or my other family member anymore.
When I met her, she grabbed my hands and said "Thankyou. Thankyou very much for being a very nice grandchild." And I cry silently. I've been living in one roof with my grandma since I was born, she even like my other parents. When my mom and dad keep busy with their own work, she's there with me.

Now my grandma is different. She is not my grandma again, who yelled at me when i forgot to water the garden, who keep waiting at me when i came late, who.. oh my.. i cry again.. She, now only her body lived, but not her mind. not her soul.

I keep praying to God, to help her.. to give what the best for her.
Please God.. hear my prayer, our prayer..